I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
