im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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