You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
