my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize