I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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