i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
