you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
