I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you had me at cake vodka
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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