I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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