I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
