sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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