it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
