I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
