Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
