I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
