I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
