I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
