i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize