just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's no shave November. This is our time.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
