My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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