Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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