She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
