Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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