Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
