you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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