Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
