we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
