i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
