if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
