How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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