This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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