Your mouth is God's brothel.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Come on in and take your pants off
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