Ambien. No doubt about it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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