You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
