i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
