Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
