Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize