PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
