She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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