I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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