guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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