I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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