Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
