He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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