HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
