i wish there were pregnant emoticons
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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