I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
