Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
