ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
