Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
