So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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