i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
