My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
