Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have already put on my inside pants.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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