The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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