She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
