How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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