rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
