I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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