I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
