I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
