Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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