You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize