He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
