so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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