is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
