I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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