I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize