wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You've changed since you got that strap on
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
