The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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