I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
