girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
