maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
